i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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