This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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