Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
