wat bout pragnant strippers??
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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