we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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