i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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