dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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