Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
