why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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