It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
