I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
