Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
