She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
