GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
