she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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