she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
