i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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