She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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