I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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