i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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