How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
