So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
