Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
