dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
