Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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