We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
