I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
