if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
MIDGETS
????
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
