no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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