i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
