I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
