Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
