but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
