Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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