i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
