just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
