he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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