Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
