definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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