Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
