just come out here and I will go home with you...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
