I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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