She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
