people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
