your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just pee around me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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