I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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