wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
