hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
