This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
