this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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